Stuck in the Middle: What to Do When You’re Just Not Happy

A guide for the in-between stage no one talks about.

Not every marriage ends with a betrayal or a breakdown. Sometimes, it just gets… dull. Disconnected. You look at your partner across the dinner table and wonder, quietly, is this it?

You’re not yelling at each other. You’re not even really fighting. But you’re also not laughing much. Or touching. Or sharing the kind of closeness that once made you feel like a team.

If you’re thinking, I’m not happy in my marriage but I’m not ready for divorce, you’re not alone. There’s a huge space between happily married and heading for a breakup. It’s not talked about often, but many people live in that space for months or even years, feeling stuck and unsure of what to do next.

Let’s talk about it.

What This “In-Between” Space Feels Like

When you’re not sure whether to stay or go, the day-to-day can feel hollow. Some signs you’re living in this in-between zone might include:

• You feel more like roommates than romantic partners. The intimacy has faded, and the emotional spark is more of a flicker than a flame. You get through the day, but the closeness is gone. For example, some couples find themselves sleeping in separate rooms—not because of conflict, but because it’s easier, quieter, less complicated.
• You don’t fight much—but that’s partly because you don’t talk about anything deep. Conversations stay surface-level. Big feelings go unspoken because you’re both tired, unsure, or afraid of rocking the boat. Over time, silence becomes the default—because it feels safer than anything you can think to talk about.
• You feel low-level dread when you think about your future together. Whether it’s retirement, travel plans, or family milestones, it’s hard to feel excited about what’s ahead if the relationship feels stagnant. You might notice you’re making plans that don’t include your partner—or that you’re more excited about solo time than shared time.
• You fantasize about leaving, but the thought of actually doing it makes your stomach drop. The idea of change is scary. But so is the thought of staying stuck. You start calculating finances, housing, how the kids might react—even if you haven’t said anything out loud yet.
• You wonder if this is just a rough patch, or a sign your marriage is over. You keep waiting for it to get better. But nothing seems to shift. The idea of marriage counseling feels exhausting, and you’re not sure if it would even help.

If you have been married a long time or married later in life, this might be part of what’s known as a Gray Divorce — when couples slowly grow apart over time, especially later in life. If that resonates with you, you might want to read more in our article on Divorce After 60.

How to Know When It’s Time to Leave or Work on the Marriage

This isn’t a checklist to diagnose your relationship. These are just reflection prompts to help you get clearer on your own thoughts:

• When do I feel most disconnected from my partner? Is it during daily routines? In silence? During conflict?
• When do I feel most hopeful? Are there moments, even small ones, when you feel connected or seen?
• Have we tried anything to reconnect? Date nights, counseling, honest talks—have you made space for repair?
• Do I feel emotionally safe enough to be honest with them? If not, what would need to change?
• Am I staying because I want to—or because I’m scared of what leaving might mean? Is fear driving the decision?

If you’re unsure, you might find our Divorce or Date Night Quiz a helpful tool for reflection. It’s not about pushing you in one direction—it’s about helping you understand where you are.

Exploring Separation Without Committing to Divorce

Maybe you’re not ready to call a divorce attorney. Maybe you’re hoping things will change. That’s okay. You don’t have to leap into a decision. But you might want to gather information.

Here are some options you might consider if you’re not ready to leave, but also don’t want to keep spinning your wheels:

• Discernment counseling – A short-term process designed specifically for couples who aren’t sure whether to stay together or split.
• Individual therapy – Sometimes what we need is clarity on ourselves, not the relationship. Exploring your feelings in a neutral space can bring surprising insights.
• Collaborative divorce education – Learning about peaceful separation methods (like collaborative divorce or mediation) doesn’t mean you have to use them. But knowing they exist can lower the fear of the unknown.
• Temporary separation with structure – Not a permanent decision, but space to breathe and reflect. We offer a helpful guide for this. Check out our Separation Guidelines for practical tips.

Sometimes couples use separation as a reset. They might agree to live apart for three months, set clear expectations, and see how they feel with distance. This kind of structured pause can be eye-opening, especially if you’re feeling stuck in marriage without a clear direction.

You’re Not Crazy. And You’re Not Alone.

Living in an unhappy-but-not-horrible marriage can be lonely. You might feel guilty for even questioning things. Or worry that people won’t understand.

But here’s what I want you to know: You’re allowed to want more. You’re allowed to ask hard questions. And you don’t have to decide anything today.

If and when you’re ready to talk, I’m here to walk you through your options. No pressure. No panic. Just honest guidance, from someone who believes you deserve clarity—and peace.

If you’re at the point where you’re wondering how to bring this up with your spouse, there’s a helpful video that can guide you through it. Watch “When Are You Ready to Tell Your Spouse” on YouTube to hear some guidance about timing, tone, and what to expect emotionally when you start the conversation.

You don’t need to have it all figured out today. But you do deserve to feel something other than stuck. Whether you decide to stay and rebuild, take a structured pause, or eventually move toward a peaceful separation, the most important thing is this: you have options—and support. You don’t have to go through this alone. When you’re ready to take the next step, even if it’s just gathering information, I’m here to help you do it with clarity, calm, and care.