We need a license to drive a car, but nothing more than a blood test (in some states) to get married. Think about that for a second. Driving requires preparation, rules of the road, and a safety test, but committing your life, your heart, and your finances to another person? No training, no planning, and no guidance required.

That’s where Marriage Planning Agreements (MPAs) come in. Formerly known as prenuptial agreements, MPAs aren’t about protecting the rich or planning for divorce. They’re about building stronger marriages right from the start. An MPA helps couples:

• Talk openly about love, values, and expectations
• Write their own “rules of the road” for marriage instead of leaving it up to the state
• Protect both partners, especially in everyday households where money is tight
• Build trust and safety by practicing real, honest communication

In short, MPAs are not the end of romance, they might actually be the most romantic thing you’ll ever do together.

What Is Love (Baby Don’t Hurt Me, Don’t Hurt Me, No More)

Romanticism has always been a little misleading. In the 19th century, poets and painters — who often had wealthy patrons and didn’t need day jobs, could afford to spend their days waxing poetic about undying love, starry nights, and waterfalls. Life expectancy was short, so pledging “forever” often meant a decade or two. It’s no wonder love became idealized as pure feeling.

But real relationships are far messier. Modern culture still sells myths:

• That your soulmate will intuitively understand you without words
• That love alone guarantees compatibility
• That passion will sustain itself forever without effort

The reality is that love is not just a feeling — it’s a skill. It takes practice, communication, and a willingness to be both a teacher and a student with your partner. And those skills often clash with the ways we first learned love in childhood. If your early experiences linked love with fear, distance, or conditional approval, you’ll often seek those same dynamics as an adult, not because they fulfill you, but because they feel familiar. (As Alain de Botton wrote in The New York Times: “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.”)

So where do we learn how to love well? Therapists can teach listening and communication, but the deepest lessons come from partners teaching one another. That teaching is the most romantic act: two people sitting together talking at length about everything from how to arrange the cutlery drawer to whether to have children.

True teaching requires patience, gentleness, and a willingness to be misunderstood until the lesson takes root. It means explaining what you like and don’t like, what you need when upset, and what you can or cannot tolerate, without hysteria or meanness.

And this is where prenup conversations come in. A Marriage Planning Agreement is, at its core, a conversation about:

• What you mean to each other
• What you need to feel safe
• What values and rules should guide your relationship, even if love shifts

There’s beauty in that vulnerability. There’s something very perfect about how imperfect and flawed and frightened we are. There’s something really beautiful about finding someone that you can be that with.

No one learns everything about themselves alone. We need a partner to see our blind spots. A prenup is one of the ways couples can do that together.

And here’s the proof: statistics show that couples who create prenups are more likely to stay married. Why? Because they’ve had the hard conversations early. They’ve clarified expectations, boundaries, and values — and that builds resilience.

Let’s Stay Together (Whether Times Are Good or Bad, Happy or Sad)

Getting married may be the most legally significant act of your life other than dying. Yet most couples never sit down and ask: What just changed legally when we said “I do”?

Here’s the blunt truth: marriage is a legal contract, and divorce is a contract. If you don’t write your own terms, the state marriage laws write them for you. Those default terms are often outdated, out of step with modern relationships, and subject to change without notice. For example, if you buy property after marriage, the way it’s titled can determine what rights each partner has, whether you realize it or not.

So why are prenups scary? Many people say, “I could never bring that up with my fiancé.” But if you can’t bring up a hard topic with your future spouse, how can you trust them with the hardest challenges life will throw your way? Sometimes the fear lies with the partner; sometimes it lies within ourselves. Either way, it signals work to be done before marriage.

Emotional safety is the foundation of love. If you don’t feel safe emotionally or physically with your partner, love cannot flourish. A Marriage Planning Agreement is really an invitation to practice talking about hard truths and to choose uncomfortable honesty over comfortable lies.

The best time to have these conversations is at the beginning, when you’re still full of trust and generosity. Waiting until divorce often means inflicting pain you’ll later regret. A well-drafted prenup is a rule set created when you’re madly in love. One that can prevent damage later when tempers run high.

And it’s not all heavy. An MPA can be an intimate chance to say: “This is what I love about you. This is how you make me feel cherished.” It can highlight the small gestures that build love every day remembering a favorite coffee order, or texting your partner’s mom happy birthday.

That’s not cold. That’s connection.

Somebody That I Used to Know

Marriage also creates an economy. Two partners together generate something greater than the sum of their parts, think Fred and Ginger, Lennon and McCartney, or Jobs and Wozniak. Each was great alone, but together they created magic.

The question is: what happens if that partnership dissolves? What do you owe each other then?

As a divorce lawyer, I see this every day. Marriage is both an economy and a contract. I love marriage and believe it’s good for people, children, and society. But my experience has shown me time and time again that couples must be clear-eyed about risk.

And contrary to popular belief, prenups aren’t just for wealthy couples. In fact, they may matter more for couples of modest means. Why?

• Wealthy couples have enough to divide without either side going under.
• Middle-income couples often can’t afford two rents, two internet bills, two households.
• Many women (or men) step out of the workforce to raise children, leaving them without immediate earning power.

That’s where affordable prenups shine. Imagine contract terms that:

• Guarantee a retirement plan for a stay-at-home spouse equal to that of the working spouse.
• Require a year of living expenses in savings before splurges.
• Split bonuses so both partners have independent security.

These kinds of terms aren’t about money. They’re about fairness, foresight, and dignity.

And given that 56% of first marriages end in divorce, entering marriage without planning is not just naïve, it’s reckless. Legally, recklessness is “conscious disregard for a substantial and unjustifiable risk of serious harm.” That definition fits perfectly here.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

At its heart, marriage planning is not about divorce. It’s about building a conscious partnership today.

The process educates, empowers, and gives couples tools for communication. With the support of therapists, counselors, and financial experts, couples can:

• Define what they mean to each other
• Clarify what they owe each other
• Set goals for what they’re building together

Then, the prenuptial agreement translates those values into fair, practical terms. Without one, the default divorce contract kicks in and it may not reflect your relationship at all.

At its simplest, a prenup says: yours, mine, ours. Yours stays yours, mine stays mine, and ours gets divided equally. Fair and straightforward.

But it’s the conversations around those categories that really matter. For example: “Hey, you got a big bonus at work, and you didn’t put any of it in the joint account. What’s that about? Is there something we need to talk through?”

Most people want to avoid these conversations. But avoidance is a false comfort. With Marriage Planning Agreements, couples learn to have small, mildly uncomfortable conversations along the way instead of one catastrophic conversation in divorce court.

Conclusion: Planning for Love, Not Fear

Prenup myths have convinced people that these agreements are unromantic, expensive, and only for the rich. The truth is the opposite. Marriage Planning Agreements aren’t about expecting divorce. They’re about expecting better, from yourself, from your partner, and from the life you’re building together.

They’re not just for the wealthy. They’re not about distrust. They’re about protecting your marriage, your family, and your future.

The most important commitment of your life deserves thoughtful planning. Don’t leave it to chance. Write your own rule set, together.

Ready to learn more about how an MPA can strengthen your relationship? Contact the Collaborative Divorce Center today.