Understanding When Divorce Truly Ends
It DOES NOT have to be this way.
I saw a post on social media recently that said:
“When I got divorced well over a decade ago, my lawyer said: ‘One day you will end up in court again. SAVE EVERYTHING—voicemails, texts, emails-all of it. Never stop documenting because no matter how much you think it is in the past, it’s never truly over.’ This was some of the best and truest advice I ever received. I’m glad I did not brush it off and underestimate his guidance.”
This was followed by several enthusiastic comments echoing the sentiment and detailing years spent “taking my ex back to court,” and “going back to court.”
I was greatly saddened by this. It DOES NOT have to be this way. It SHOULD NOT be this way for the mental health and financial well-being of the spouses and their children.
Divorces should not last forever and the former spouses should not spend the rest of their lives collecting “ammunition” (aka “evidence”) for future battles.
That so many people still feel this way tells me that there is so much work left to do.
- People need to know that the family court system is very bad for families.
- People need to believe that if they commit to a no-court divorce with the help of mental health and financial professionals, their divorces will not last forever.
- People need to be free to live their lives not chained to the past by their need to “save everything” to be used as ammunition in the future.
The evidence is so clear: couples that divorce collaboratively reach enduring agreements that hold up over time and do not lead to endless conflict.
Which would you rather have? A divorce that never ends and requires constant evidence collection for some future war or a divorce that ends quickly and provides closure so that both parties can live their best lives.
