Every marriage and family has its own distinct profile, and therefore every divorce is different. Your legal strategy has to be tailored to your individual circumstances and needs, and that takes time and careful planning. What you envision that result to be should be built around a long-term lifestyle choice that you hope to maintain.
Beware of misinformation. The divorce landscape is littered with it, including books by attorneys who advocate methods that heighten conflict and raise legal fees unnecessarily. Do not be swayed by family members, friends, and associates who are unlikely to know what is truly right for you. They are not the ones who have to deal with your ex-spouse and children going forward. Only you can make vital decisions about your life. This is especially the case if any of them have been through a difficult divorce. Their negative experiences will invariably affect the advice they give you.