One person sees a square, another sees a circle. They are both correct in declaring what they see. Except what they see as individuals doesn’t create a full picture. The object itself is greater than just one perspective, it demands that we see it from three dimensions, from different angles. The problem lies when a person who sees only the square tells a person who sees the circle that what they see can’t possibly be true…that they must be lying, crazy or guided by some nefarious force because it is absolutely crystal clear that what they see is the only correct perspective of the above image, and from their vantage point they would feel certain in their position. The person who sees only the circle may feel the same way.
Except both would be wrong, the object is a cylinder that expresses both a circle and a square depending on where you are standing. The truth is never two dimensional, ever.
When I am working with couples, I use this picture a lot. Most people see your situation from THEIR perspective, not YOURS. As an individual, you may be clear on your perspective, but when you rigidly stand in one place, refusing to listen to another who offers another angle and then vilifying them for it, refusing to stand in their shoes, and see something from their perspective. And while I understand that to your eyes, what you see is definitely a circle or a square, I will ask you to walk, move around to another angle and see if your perspective changes.
You may be surprised. You may be angry. You may even still refuse to step away from your initial perspective because of a deep hurt, pain, past mistreatment or judgment. But the truth is never flat, two dimensional or rigid…it’s just not. If you want the truth, and more importantly, if you want peace and a better transition from one family to two, you have to move beyond where you are standing right now.