How to Define It for Yourself
The journey of a divorce is complicated. Although you may know that this is absolutely the right choice for you and your family, it is still a loss of sorts and certainly a huge and challenging change. As the process usually takes longer than what most people want, often clients will say to me “I just want this to be over, I just want closure.” When people to say to me “I just want closure,” these are some of things I know they might be saying:
- I want to convince my spouse to stay
- I want my spouse to see me differently
- I want things to end on my terms
- I don’t know how to process this ending without you making me feel better
- I am confused
- I am not prepared
- This is not what I want
- My spouse was not the one who was supposed to leave first
- I have a few things I want to get off my chest
- It’s not me, it’s you
In my collaborative practice, I always ask, “What do you mean by closure?” Sometimes people don’t know yet what they mean. Oftentimes it takes many conversations and much thought to figure it out. I know that if couples choose collaborative divorce, they both get help answering this question from a trained and caring mental health professional who is their caring guide through the divorce process The mental health professional on the collaborative team helps us wrap around a family to ease the transition from married to divorced with less trauma and more healing
If you are feeling like you “just want closure,” ask yourself which of the above you are really trying to say. It just might help you figure out the next right step for you and your family.
